30OCT2011 - Thirty-Six-Pence

With apron & easel I painted
A large world to my small frame
Mommies & daddies & teachers
I was a king in my playground

With glasses & braces I wrote
Expressive cursive in ink
Teachers & friends & love
I was an architect of dreams

With time & experience I think
Infinite possibilities await
Friends & family & life
I'm a student sponge in space

How Racists Exercise Tolerance

Question posed by Chris Nies on FB:
"How do racists watch football? I've always wondered about that..."

MY PLAYFUL ANSWER:
With ignorant hungry souls, only full when they can feed themselves more fear; disapproving eyes & insidious hearts that have a sick, almost giddy, anticipation for someone of color to fumble so they can make a racist innuendo how **ggers are always dropping the ball.

PHOTOMAPS

What I've told you is my truth
It doesn't dictate the
Laws you live
But binds this moment we are sharing

I cannot take into
Tomorrow
Or wish the wind to blow me
Back

The kisses taken
And never developed
Lay drowning
In this pool of "solution"

The Road To LoveLand

Without hurt or disappointment, we would not be able to recognize, appreciate, or strive for a joy or love or [insert your want] that is nurturing & protects us. The heart that risks nothing can gain nothing. There are times to shield one's heart so it can heal & learn from the painful experience; so when strong again it can be opened and shared with the knowledge that is gained. :-)

Faith In Truth, Love & Inner Strength

[Begin with FACTS...]
Part of my "adolescent realization" became solidified when my closest friends--of differing religions--would get caught up in lunchtime discussions (arguments) about how each others' beliefs were "wrong."

I was five before I ever stepped foot in the Catholic church. Making it a weekly ritual after my mother re-married was not a welcome event to my carefree self. However, always the eager sponge for new information, I took in the new teachings, structure, "sit, stand, kneel" routine and was baptized. I received First Communion and it was a big family event with presents and I didn't quite get why.


[Keep FACTS and mix in FICTION...]
When I gave my first confession, I remember having to make up my sins to tell Father Carl Johnson. My self-image at that age was that I was a model student and a good oldest brother who did as I was told. I read over the Ten Commandments before confession and as far as I understood, I had not broken any of these rules. I first tried to tell Father Carl that I had no sins to confess. He told me that if I thought really hard I could probably think of a time when I didn't do what my mom or dad told me to do. I could read in his eyes and his tone of voice that he EXPECTED me to come up with something to confess...so, I said, "Yes. I was told to clean my room didn't do it.". "Is that all?" he said with an emphasis on ALL. "Yes." I was to go and say three Hail Mary's and then be absolved of this fictional sin.

I knelt in the pew. I said three Hail Mary's. I stood up, joined my mom & step-father. I was now sin-free but felt no different than before I had walked into the confessional. (Accept that I now had a lie already to tell Father Carl the next time I had to confess.)


:-)

Do the CanCanNot

I cannot explain what cannot be comprehended...

I cannot comprehend that which is beyond (or before) me...

And this is the darkness I must find music to keep hope lit.

B-Boy Bang

"If I can play hockey, then I can bang a bitch!"
-B-Boy in response to staying physically fit into his 80's

http://m.signonsandiego.com/news/2011/oct/11/jing-debunked-sexual-activity-shown-to-aid-life/

InSom

Third day going to bed around 2am, waking several times & unable to go back to sleep by 6am... Hmm...

It's as if I were working nights again and trying to sleep during the sunny days.

Gay Pride Parade: My Response.

POST I READ: This is a straight persons perception I would really like to change and believe needs to change.

"By the way, why do GAYS have such NASTY PARADES? I have never seen a FAMILY RATED GAY PARADE. What's the deal on that? Do all GAYS like NASTY?"

My RESPOSE:
Aye... Having attended these "pride festivals" for 18years now, I'll say these things: There are families in attendance at each event. "Family friendly" need not be synonymous with "conservative friendly." We are not a single ethnic group, a cohesive political action committee, etc. We ARE a sub-culture of the modern, mainstream society which includes straight swingers, those engaged in BDSM, polygamy, monogamy, drinking beer on porch steps & sipping wine in the vineyards. Waving a rainbow flag, wearing short shorts and or assless chaps may not be my preferred way of showing pride, but I'm not embarrassed or ashamed of those that find comfort in it either. This is America last time I checked, where the Doo Dah Parade still takes place (heh) so a little levity with ourselves, please. And lastly, changing perceptions... If it is important to you...takes place by living your life openly & honestly, one day at a time and allowing everyday people to get to know to you & your relationships. Trust me, I've seen change since being 18 & afraid of some of those parade walkers myself. ;-)

Tiny Tickles vs. Tribulating (nope, not a word)

Consistently....the little things keep me chugging along. Seeing Joseph's nieces; family...a text from Sergio... Plans for a Vegas visit...thinking about a semester from now... Wanting to complete a trip to see my sister...

But there are real concerns that I cannot shake off...

There are ideas that become more cemented and I find myself adapting. Should I? Is it wise? Does it hinder, hurt or brighten & broaden?

We'll see.

But the Sergio smile is something I wish I didn't put so much sanity into.