Sometimes the best surprises are born when I force myself to be in a situation that I am not sure about. These are times when instinct doesn't immediately give me a green or a red light. I could use the metaphor of being "on the fence" to illustrate these times, but that's not always the case. Sometimes, I believe I may just not know--the uneasiness of the unknown. True, not all of these situations bare positive surprises, but today was one of the initially mentioned times.
Lunch in West Hollywood with people a group of people who are not close friends; who actually started out as customers from a former place of business some six years ago. I had my first "Manhattan" drink at The Abbey with Steve & Reed, Brian and Brian's friend, Jeff. The company of older gay men as I age is an evolving experience. It involves the wisdom that comes with time in selecting friends, overcoming my own ignorance and prejudice and also listening to the instincts that may not give explanation as to why or why not.
Seeing the tortured soul--and not my own--brings forth a frustrating emotion the more I understand an individual. I find it building walls or selecting primal survival choices to live in this cultural where "it's not my problem" is a mantra made too easy to milk these days. (Any time frame, perhaps.) I wonder if this feeling that arises in me is anything similar to what others see when they look at me.
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The daily jazz of my mind, as pure & honest as possible; but know that words are themselves filters of the original thought/idea.
