If The Train Must Jump The Tracks

For a long time after I graduated from high school, I believed that I wasn't living the life I was supposed to have.  I believed that the "right" life would get "back on track" soon enough...  and when it didn't, I found that I had begun the trappings of every good consumer's lifestyle.  New car, credit cards, eating out and the corporate job to pay for it all.  My soul deteriorated as the right tracks could no longer be seen and the idea just a dream from some storybook life I once knew.  Like childhood.

I've been reviewing these journal entries of mine.  Not just the online portion, but the thousands of pages written in my horrid script.  There are recurring thoughts about family dating back to childhood.  What I have never been able to really accept is that part of the idea of what my "family" was (or perhaps only what I thought it should be) died with grandma.  I've expected it to "revive" somehow over the years and it just never does.  It just doesn't. 

I have found my idea of family in so many other places along the way in life.  I understand those song lyrics she used to listen to so loudly now.  Oh legacies.  oh indeed.