Sing Along!

All these years and I never knew that it had a 2nd verse....

I'm A Little Tea Pot
-----------------------------

I'm a little teapot, short and stout
Here is my handle,
here is my spout.
When I get all steamed up,
hear me shout
Just tip me over and pour me out!

I'm a clever teapot,
yes it's true
Here's an example of what I can do
I can change my handle to my spout
Just tip me over and pour me out
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Mixing DJ's

Reading Facebook posts and comments that strange sixth sense kicks in and I see the entire "potential" relationship of two people take place in the blink of an eye. They would be so cute together but talent will take them in different directions.

I haven't felt that spark in a while.

Time for a hair cut.

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Half My Life

I had dinner earlier tonight with Nick, Arturo & Chris. (Art Turtle's b/f) It was a very adult dinner and it seems fitting now that I reflect on it as I have known Arturo half my life.

I'm double the age of "adulthood," though I'm sure it's debatable that I've become twice the adult.

Eighteen fucking years... I'm in awe.

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"On top of Old Smokey,
All covered with snow.
I lost my true lover,
For courtin' too slow."

Modern Day Interpretation:
Some gay dude was flying high, cheating & giving it to a Bear while snorting cocaine off his backside; meanwhile, the love of his life wasn't waiting around all night for someone who never came home.

The lesson here?

REMEMBER KIDS...ONLY YOU CAN PREVENT FOREST FIRES!

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Passenger Pal

Sun bright. I'm a passenger in Josh's car in the carpool lane of the 91 FWY heading to Riley's first birthday party. There was a mini-van in front of us and I have a quick thought about a time when I began driving and there were very few vehicles that could obstruct the line of sight for miles in front of you. I've always had this disdain for mini-vans and the driving behavior of their operators. (Often)

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The Newness; who knew?

I've been depressed before, and in the midst of my depression, unable to get out of bed. The feeling isn't pleasant. Though not exactly paralysis, when that deeply depressed, it certainly does not feel like getting up and moving is a viable option at the time. There is a pain involved. Moving, thinking, or making any type of decision most definitely increases the pain in those severely depressed times. This past week following my birthday weekend WAS NOT a spell or bout of depression at all.

I VERY consciously chose to sleep and to remain in bed all week long following my birthday weekend. I would wake up to go to the bathroom or to eat and lay right back down with my eyes closed into the dream world. I slept so much that when I was awake, I would stand and have to take a few steps to get my balance, so dizzy from not being awake. (Haha, or one might make the joke that consciousness is a dizzying experience) I didn't talk on the phone unless absolutely necessary and even lapsed with text.

I've never felt at such an impasse before when it comes to the people in my life and the importance that I place on them. I don't know that I've ever been this far off the mark; knowing what importance I play in their lives. In the past, I've certainly felt disappointment from missed engagements on my part or their part; I've felt the thinning of time when life's "successes" have pulled someone into a job, relationship or out of the loop entirely; and most definitely I know the simplicity of just growing in different directions. I don't know this feeling I have that is detachment, to such a degree, that I have begun withdrawing any emotions from being shared that would allow me to feel as blatantly ass-raped as I felt last weekend.

All this on the eve of my niece's 1st birthday celebration; where I will swoop in, be all sorts of smiles and champion the sunshine to brighten the day as much as possible in this Winter Weather, haha. I will be Uncle Jeremy, seldom seen in Riley's 1st year, but remaining part of the Swiss when it comes to these delicate family matters. I will write a poem for this girl who will not understand it or read it for years to come because I know she will already want for nothing in material things and it will be her heart & soul that I should like to be known to and remain friends with years & years from now when she looks back to the photos of this 1st bday and is told what a day it was because she will have no memory of it herself. ((Early Childhood Psychology 101---the brain simply doesn't for long term memory until later)). It's important to give her love, for the dresses, toys and other gifts will not last as long as love will.

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A Child' Razor Senses Cuts

...And she waved to me as she walked off the bus...and I waved back and I'm gonna lose it.
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A Child's Razor Senses

I've been doing a good job of keeping my tears out of the public arena these past couple days. I'm on the 210 Metro Bus on the way home and there is a little girl (maybe 3 or 4) sitting in the window seat in front of me next mother. I have my headset playing music and though I'm keeping a smile on my face, she looks at me with sullen eyes aa if wondering why I'm crying... And my eyes start to gloss.

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I'm Trying. Really Trying.

It's the ones who can kiss that I always miss.

Thanksgiving Eve:
Standing in line at the coat check here at The Factory and looking at the faces passing by....I am that guy I used to watch in the movies as a kid and I understand so vividly what I never got before.

Thanksgiving Day: (12:01am)
I'm watching homeless people who are high pick at the pizza scraps left on tables. The drunks from Fiesta Cantina and walking by laugh at them... and I start to cry.

Life.

Today---Entry Date:
I have rented "Eat Pray Love" from the local 7-11 Redbox. I chose to watch the Director's Cut...

My eyes are really green today.
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