Taking Some Time...

I haven't posted anything here in almost a month. I've written many thoughts here and there; typed in notepad, scribbled on random papers. (Posted here and not published)

I'm not sure what to put down.
(I have already erased three lines since that last sentence)

hmm...

This is what I'm listening to:
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Now playing on Winamp: Tatu - 30 Minutes

I took a two hour walk last night then stopped at Jack In The Box and ordered an Ultimate Bacon Cheeseburger Combo (Large) with a Dr. Pepper, regular fries, two regular tacos and a chicken sandwhich. I ate it all with my vitamins while watching tv. When tv was over I did sit-ups and push ups. I feel something of survival instincts kicking in because my mind is wrapped around so many things.

In sadness there is:


This has been on my for a long time but I have not spoken about it. I have not voiced anything about it. I have not used the sound from my mouth to yell because the fury has no specific ears to fiercely bring blood from. But I would shriek my sadness if I could find that person or people. I remember what it was to be a boy of 15. This sadness has cried me to sleep many nights. Not just for these boys.... for the ones that we know nothing about and for the ones who are yet to come.

In happiness there is:



I still don't get out and dance as much as I should. I'm working on it. It used to be a common thing with friends but dwindle does the deed. Domestication? This video makes me happy to watch. Not just because of the dancing. This is someone's labor of creativity and technical talent. While I may not feel much from staring at a painting or sculpted artifact that resides in a museum, nor anything from watching a black and white film from an era long gone, I still see beauty and appreciate random artforms. They make me smile everyday.

In confusion there is:
Family. Friends. (Family) Roads I have taken and am to take. Byron will have a child in the next couple months. Philip will be home from Iraq. Heidi (cousin) will be married soon. I don't even know her but by blood. Why does history have to be so cruel and the learning of it to be the burden of those who could not avoid the choices of others? When the elders were alive and well the family was so much more intact---even with the secrets that children hear only whispers of.

And I still miss her so much.