Lulling Myself To Sleep

A fondness for finding things.
A shiny dime dimming in the sunset.
Lightning lashing down from the clouds.
Night's naked breath baring down
on the nape;
nudging.
Decisions sometimes dock the decider.
From all things we fly some direction
And rain will clean the soul willing to stand in it.

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I'm settling into bed with a glass of white wine after watching Battlestar Galactica with Art. Commercials were filled with talks about databases and business affairs. This is a world where we can connect and share. Inevitably conversations about ideologies surface and it becomes evident that there is no point in wasting breath. I am not in business of debating to change a mind. I have learned by listening.

It's my actions that have been lagging in lessons. I see several reasonable "reasons" that this has been the case. I believe in the good of every heart. If that is my foundation, then how can I walk away from the good that hasn't found a way to express itself? Sometimes--for survival--it is the only thing I can do. But I don't stay away very long before I sense some greater reason than survival entering in again. Simply.... I've often found some pleasure in putting others before myself.

At the same time, I have been semi-content in the fort I have been surviving in. It's lagging lately.

I just went to the bathroom and as I was peeing I thought of the movie Ghost Busters and the part where they talk about never cross the streams. That thought linked to being kids with my brothers and all peeing in the toilet and "crossing the streams." Many childhood memories have been coming back to me in the past month. Randomly they will surface and I will picture in my head something that I hadn't seen or thought of since the original memory was created.

I'm looking forward to creating memories this weekend. Molly has invited me to rock climb on Sunday afternoon. Sunday morning is the brunch I've been planning for a couple of weeks. Saturday (I guess today) is my first one off in a while from Dream Dinners and I'm looking forward to sleeping in. Randy is in Huntington Beach and I plan on spending time with him Saturday. Although Martin is in town, I'm not sure I'll get a chance to see him. I don't feel much like going up to LA. My car is starting to "act up" and I don't want to chance something happening far from home.

Sarah has her birthday coming up soon. 19. I remember mine very clearly. The people around me at the time were very different than today. Arturo was more of a force at the time. There are names that aren't even remembered at this point. There are some that are indelible.

I think I should turn my phone to silent.
ESP.

I blow kisses goodnight to biting tongues and wandering eyes.