Three in One or 3-to-1 or 3,2,1 ?

I was sitting there petting a 3-legged dog named Rocco. This was earlier today, I'd guess 3:30 a.m. Jeremy, the designated driver. Phil, down from San Francisco. We went to BJ's pizza in Laguna Hills and ate in the bar. Dustin & Wes were working. A single woman in her 60's, Joan, sat down next to us and made conversation while she waited to go salsa dancing. She was quite the spitfire. She asked if I was gay.

Phil and I moved on to Woody's. My water to his gimlet. We spoke of his struggle to find a group of gay friends where "gay" is not the center of their world. He does not want a "gay lifestyle." We got to the understanding that he has an "alternative-indie lifestyle." (Haha, whatever that is.) I'd like to think I just have life. The style of that life changes like styles of any time, era, fad. I like that there are gay ghettos and that there are those that want to be known for things other than their gayness. What I don't like is when the two can't agree that each serve the greater community and are not better or worse.

Sebastian joined us at Woody's. There was talk of going to some party in the hills, but midnight came and I was fading. Home for him. One a.m. and Phil wants to say hello to Ali spinning at The Boom. On the way in, Shawn Long is outside smoking and we all reconnect quickly. Inside is Joe, the boy who one the wet underwear contest the week prior. He looks cute with his clothes on too. I get that intuition sense around him that there is attraction but that I should stay away. I've decided to suspend action until further interaction tips the scales. Ali is playing musically, masterfully as ever. I meet Shawn's roommate, Jason. Phil is making conversation with this tall guy who has unbuttoned his shirt and explained that he is a porn star. Before we know it, he's pulling his pants down and mooning the bar. Nice ass, but way inappropriate. Lights are coming up and I'm REALLY ready to get out of there. Joe kisses me a bit more than expected as we walk out. Says he'll call to invite me to a party tonight.

Speaking of parties... Shawn and roommate can't drive. So I offer to take them to an after party until they sober. We drive there and it's a small space where about 20 people are trying to make due. After about 10 minutes, everything is moved about two miles down PCH to another location. That house party has ended so everyone walks about three blocks to a 3rd location where we finally settle for the evening. This is where I meet Rocco. I figure the dog is just as bewildered as I am with all the people around. Neither one of us had a leg to stand on to force anyone not capable of leaving to go. I pet Rocco, refill his water, then decided to go and bring the car closer to the location.

These are the short spans of time where life is bustling around me and I feel removed from it. I'm watching it go by and now I suppose I'm capturing it in text. While I am part of it, I don't feel part of it. When do I?

Last Wednesday I started cleaning my room. I came across some old art supplies; construction paper, poster board, paints and glue. It was a definite sign to take a break from cleaning...haha. (Any excuse would've done) I started making a card for Mario. It's not like I had talked to him lately or seen him since SF Pride. It was a sweet card. Something I had not gone out of my way to do for someone in a long time. I suppose it was romantic, a bit. It's confusing having that part of me that exists with pure lust and it being felt toward one or more people. It contradicts with some beliefs I have about the types of relationships I want, but it's life and not style. I call him before bedtime and tell him I have something to drop off. He is surprised and I can't stay long as Cardwell is in the car waiting and we're supposed to be somewhere. A very sweet, second kiss in front of the leasing office sends me off on a cloud-star. I'm a little school boy, kicking his foot on the ground with hands in pocket. I leave this splendor to a darker destination.

Flirting in a half-way house, halves of me will settle on different souls. The first to take action often gets my attention, though by no means necessarily the object of any affections, just an appendage or two. (Or three) Intuition here is always heightened. It is accurate to the last decimal place, but the moments are fleeting, disconnected and feared so much by so many that one's clarity is questioned. What is always clear.... a body can only handle so much pleasure before it must rest.

Martin's going away bash at Choice in Long Beach was fun. We watched Rudy De La Mor's show. The still shots can be seen at: My Yahoo Photo Album.

I have a few hours here to myself before dinner with Mark & Sebastian tonight. Maybe a walk. Maybe some meditation. Maybe tea. Odds are 3 to 1 that I'll do none of the above.