Flying Kinder Seas

I booked a charter plane
For the morning sunrise
But parachuted in mid-flight
To a KINder ocean surrounding
Because it was what we needed
(And what I wanted)
I have ALL the hungers
I have ALL the wants of men,
But deny fruits that haven't ripened
While looking toward that next horizon
The dive
The drive
The climb & crawl...
Where sunrise meets sunset & solace.

No Love Valentines - Closing Ceremonies

As much as I'm glad this is near some closure for all parties involved, as well as within the hearts & minds of our community, no justice will bring Lawrence back. From the beginning of this, too much focus was placed on punishing & not enough on the rehabilitating/educating the boy who we had a window to help.

It's tragic that "we" couldn't see a boy of 14, whose response to being asked as a Valentine by a boy of 15 was to shoot him, was obviously not mature or adult in any way. Putting him on trial as one, doesn't make him one. "Old enough to commit the crime/Old enough to do the time" is trite & easy to rhyme, but does nothing to truly break down barriers that caused Brandon's response or the bullying and cruelty that continues beyond this case.

Now, the boy will enter "adulthood" at 18 by potentially learning the behavior/orientation conflicts of prison life; gay sex(behavior) vs his [presumed] heterosexuality(orientation). Perhaps that is ironic justice to some of us, but it seems as cruel as the hostility we would work to abolish against us--at all ages.

Staples of The Life - 02OCT2011-6:19am

If there is an afterlife, mine would closely resemble a quality after hours club. It's almost 6:30am, Sunday morning. While this scene is no longer a regular, budgeted part of living, it is still a serendipitous reprieve every now and again. (Probably always will be. :-)

The flirtation level has never changed. I have. I actually will take the time to smile and make conversation now in my 30's. I don't isolate myself.

We Were All Kinders...

There's this little boy always smiling in my heart who lives in a utopian bubble where being good to one another and spending time helping others keeps that smile beaming.

Alanis - "Not As We"

"Not As We"
-Alanis Morissette

Reborn and shivering
Spat out on new terrain
Unsure, unconvincing
This faint and shaky hour

Day one, day one, start over again
Step one, step one, I am barely making sense
From now I'm faking it 'til I'm pseudo making it
From scratch, begin again, but this time I as "I" and not as "We"

Gun shy and quivering
Timid, without a hand
Feign brave with steel intent
Little and hardly here

Day one, day one, start over again
Step one, step one, with not much making sense
Just yet I'm faking it 'til I'm pseudo making it
From scratch, begin again, but this time I as "I" and not as "We"

Eyes wet, toward
Wide open frayed
If God's taking bets
I pray He wants to lose

Day one, day one, start over again
Step one, step one, I am barely making sense
Just yet I'm faking it 'til I'm pseudo making it
From scratch, begin again, but this time I as "I" and not as "We"

Memory Helper

There are some stories and/or memories where you only have the person who shared in the experience with you to check with for the facts and specifics.

I just thought of a name, Kevin, and Randy would be the only person to put him in perspective with a place and time. I don't believe I even wrote about him in my journals. Hmmm

Just The Way "I" Are

I've often tried to explain to others how I can "know something without knowing it." As you might imagine, just from reading the previous sentence, it's not a simple thing to explain and even when I find words that work for me, the understanding on another's part is a kind head nod with blank eyes at best.

I relate best with children & animals... The ones who I know can sense the same things... And who also are naïve to man's ugliness.

Joey says I'm, "amazing." I said, "I know." (But it still felt AMAZING to be told)

Wake Up With A Blanket On - 30AUG2011

Acting FULL of it but feeling EMPTY.

Had a great night conversing with Penelope.

I fell asleep curled up on the Delaunay couch and woke up to find that a blanket had been put on me. This the warmth of family, like the warmth of a blanket sustains one.... Lessens that emptiness.

Up On MY Roof

10AUG2011
12:20pm

I just connected some dots in my mind and tears rolled out of my eyes. I often hum songs when I start to get tired. Other times, if not fatigue related, a tune may repeat & it helps, in the way dreams do for me, to process something perhaps not so conscious.

"Up On The Roof" sung by The Drifters is a song that *frequently* pops into my head and I hum. Sometimes even sing.
(DOT Dot dot)

I'm crying now because I used to climb up on the roof at home when I wanted to hide or be alone. I forgot about that. All these years of humming... Smile

There are many songs that I have heard since childhood--and probably in the womb--thanks to my mother. I may have commented before how all of my siblings and I play our music loud. Childhood memories inside a vehicle always had KRTH-101 and oldies playing. I'm always thankful for having not just the knowledge of these songs, but the doorway to musical appreciation. In this way, and in remembering this, there is so much love in my family (blood or befriended) and I miss them terribly.


"Up On The Roof"
Songwriters: GOFFIN, GERRY/KING, CAROLE

When this old world starts getting me down
And people are just too much for me to face
I climb way up to the top of the stars
And all my cares just drift right into space

On the roof it's peaceful as can be
And there the world below can't bother me

Let me tell you now
When I come home feeling tired and beat
I go up where the air is fresh and sweet
I get away from the hustling crowds
And all that rat race noise down in the street

On the roof's the only place I know
Where you just have to wish to make it so
Up on the roof
At night the stars put on a show for free
And darling you can share it all with me

I keep-a tellin' you
Right smack dab in the middle of town
I found a Paradise that's trouble-proof
And if this world starts getting you down
There's room enough for two up on the roof

Up on the roof.......

Metaphors

Today it rained.

The saying, "when it rains it pours" held true in the amount of actual REAL voice conversations I had that lasted for hours today. It felt comfortable, good but also foreign in this age of texts, FB wall posts, email.

The memorable moment:

"It was like trying to pull a semi-truck into a hollowed out toothpic."
-B-Boy

:-)